My 45th birthday did not move me to make a list of 45 things I’ve learned or what I want to accomplish before I turn 50 (SHEESH – how am I inching towards 50?!?) Because I am always reflective and introspective, I have begun thinking about my place in this world and how I am fulfilling my purpose. So what year 45 is doing for me is helping me define myself and my purpose.
Even though I have my degree in early childhood education, I did not attend college with the intent of leaving with this degree. My path was directed towards this field since age 11, but I never saw this as my life. Clearly, God was ordering my steps. I have been a professional teacher for about 15 years. I have left the field twice and found my way back. When I left in 2021, it was my retirement. I had no intentions of returning. However, I missed the classroom. I followed teaching accounts and subscribed to newsletters that kept me abreast of the latest. I never closed the door. I guess I was hoping I would make an easy return. My return in 2024 was initially just a steady paycheck to fund my birth work goals. However, I was distracted by trying to figure out life around my health.
Every day was a struggle to relearn evening and morning routines and listen to my body. My body was not the same when I began teaching in 2002, and definitely wasn’t the same in 2021. This body has taught me so much. So, trying to navigate this new life and make new decisions with a new health diagnosis left me overwhelmed and asking God daily, “Why?” and “What is the reason?”
Maybe the reason was for me to conclude that I’m a great teacher and love what I do? It is up to me to bring my talents and desires together under one roof. Amid prayers for answers, I looked and applied for WFH or hybrid positions for months with nothing to show for my work. I have decided to stop running and searching and be a big girl. I can successfully work this 8 – 5. Thankfully, my administration is very gracious towards me and my disabilities. There are some bad morning and bedtime habits that I need to break. Otherwise, I can do this. I realized I’ve run away from this role, thinking I deserved to be something bigger and potentially better than teaching preschool. I discovered I adopted feelings from those close to me, especially since I desired to become a pediatrician when I began college. I underestimated my role despite feeling like an established force in the field. I think birth work is my way to bridge the medical school ambitions. Writing won’t leave me alone despite my efforts to abandon it. What is it all for? What’s the reason?
Now I just have to figure out how to listen to God so He can tie it all together because it has to work out for my good.
Give love. Get love.
The Ready Writer 