I have loved medical dramas since St. Elsewhere. I don’t remember specific episodes because the show debuted when I was 2 and ran for six years. Clearly, the opening theme music created an unforgettable earworm. I remember Denzel Washington because seeing a black man on TV was rare. I never knew what I was watching, but since one of my parents watched, so did I. Then came Doogie Howser, MD. It was just the kid doctor aspect and had nothing to do with medicine. Fast forward to ER. It is still a favorite! I thought I would be a doctor – a pediatrician or an obstetrician. So, aside from watching surgeries on the Discovery channel or the like, ER was the next best thing, soap opera drama aside, to spur my motivation. Nothing has been able to replace my medical drama fix. I tried Grey’s Anatomy, but there was too much drama, and once I missed an episode or two, it was too hard to keep up with all of the storylines. I watched House’s first few seasons, but I don’t remember why I stopped watching. I tried The Resident, but some cases began pulling on my heartstrings, so I gave up. The same thing happened with New Amsterdam. Chicago Med was good, but like Grey’s, there is too much soap and drama. Needless to say, I gave up. I don’t think I tried another medical drama until my mom recommended Brilliant Minds.
I was diagnosed with premature ovarian failure at 16. I received my lupus diagnosis at 27 and fibromyalgia around 30 or 32. This year, I found out I have functional neurological disorder. It sounds vague, but it’s very inconvenient. It took a year to get to FND. I often cry and ask God why, how long, and much more. My parents understandably want answers and want me to get relief. It can get frustrating at times to try to relay to them what my doctors explain to me about my conditions, treatments, and prognosis. Regardless, I don’t know where I would be without their love, prayers, and support.
My mom watched the previews for a new show featuring a neurologist who uses humane, unconventional methods to solve his patients’ dilemmas/medical emergencies. I was going to pass because of my detachment from medical dramas. I saw the previews and was slightly intrigued but decided to stick to my guns. She watched the show and said she wished I had a neurologist like him, so I should definitely watch. With my interest now piqued, I gave it a shot, and I like it. Dr. Oliver Sacks is very caring, concerned, and unconventional. Although fictional, I am inclined to believe there is a doctor out there like him.
Because of Morris Chestnut and my love of Sherlock Holmes, I decided to watch Watson and again liked it. The most recent episode is about a young Black woman with a rare case of sickle cell anemia. I know someone who died from this disease, ignorant of the day-to-day struggles and the crises sickle cell patients endure; it was hard to watch. I couldn’t finish the episode. So, I am re-examining whether I can handle medical dramas.
I love word searches and crossword puzzles. I recently bought a small crossword puzzle book to carry in my backpack and purse to decrease my screen time. I completed one puzzle and decided to tackle another. 12 Down – valetudinarianism (7 letters). I am not familiar with the word, so I looked it up. It is showing undue concern about one’s health. A Valetudinarian is sickly or weak or worries a lot about their health. I don’t know if it was because I’ve been struggling lately or just being very tired, but reading that definition made me cry. Typing the word into Google, the prompts naturally lead to my name. So, my brain begins to link Valerie to Valetudinarian. Is this who I truly am? Sickly and weak? The Watson episode and my crossword puzzle have my emotions in a commotion and me searching for more distractions, so I decided to write. My journal wouldn’t do, so thankfully, I have this blog.
My name means strong and determined. My body feels sickly and weak. I know I am stronger than I think I am. I know that I have more good days than bad. I understand that this, too, shall pass. But today, I am struggling because I feel like a walking dichotomy. So, all I can do is wipe my tears and write.
2 Corinthians 12:8 – 10 (NIV) Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
I might return to medical dramas, but not today.
Give love. Get love.
The Ready Writer 